So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm too high and old for this...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
