I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
