There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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