i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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