I want to have your abortion
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
