He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
