I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
