highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
