You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
