He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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