You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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