I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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