why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
