He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize