I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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