the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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