Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
