she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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