Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
