I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
