Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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