Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
