at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
