I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
