I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
