oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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