I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
