hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have demons in me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
