apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
