Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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