Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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