She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
