dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize