there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
