He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
