I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
