Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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