You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize