hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
not ubering you a puppy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
