I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
