All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
