I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
