well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
