Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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