You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
