I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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