I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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