Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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