does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
