It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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