Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
