You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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