wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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