i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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