I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
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I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating