before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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