I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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