you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
