apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize