Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
