I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
birth control should be required to get into college
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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