just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
