Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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