just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
