she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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