dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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