The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
