I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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